Connecticut

The best thing about Connecticut was probably how close it is to New York. Even though we were starting to get excited about our upcoming visit to the big city, we were still able to enjoy the deep fall and rainy weather within Connecticut. The quiet mood of our visit here gave space for thoughts about time and personal development.

I thrive on structure in my daily life and it gives me the feeling of moving forward. And if I set all the structure aside, such as academia, religion and career, I suddenly feel like the idea of "a purpose in life" is slipping through my fingers.

In the movie "I'm Thinking Of Ending Things" the main character shares a thought about how time flies through us like a stormy wind and we are just standing there as motionless objects. Not in the opposite way, which we are used to believing, where there is a timeline and we are moving forward through it. I loved the idea instantly because it frees me from a constant need to move somewhere forward, since I can just stand and wait till time blows something at me. We are getting older anyway, no matter if you are doing anything or not.

However, standing and waiting is not satisfying and it makes me feel like I missing out on something important. When Vėjas joined our family, I felt blocked. Absolutely everything around me died down while I was holding a new blooming life in my hands. Even time itself became immeasurable. I was very scared that it is the end of my "forward motion". Then, our "TRAVEL IN PROGRESS" started, which was a reflection of my need to move forward. Literally moving through the map provided the satisfaction of making progress.

But the birth of Vėjas does not fully account for our decision to travel. The truth includes many more circumstances and facts, but deep inside we tend to tell ourselves simplified stories and assign purpose to the things that happen to us. So this is one of them - moving forward when everything stopped.