Georgia greeted us twice - first when we left Florida, and the second time it was a shelter for us before the flight to Lithuania. The change from Florida was instantaneous, mostly in the behavior of people, but otherwise there was not much to explore. Savannah and Atlanta were great, but we were bored by the rest of the state. The more interesting event was how we bought a couple of second-hand luggages and packed up for Lithuania.
We stored our tiny Airstream and truck in rented storage, ate canned food leftovers and flew to Lithuania. It was time to show up for family and to reflect on the experiences. But why was I not excited about the trip? I kept asking myself this question for so long, that I had to admit: changes are hard for me, and changing the lifestyle once again takes a lot out of me. To be exact, changes are hard for every member of our family of three. Lukas fell into an emotional breakdown after a couple of weeks of family gatherings, I felt like hell due to changes and moody vibes in the family, and Vėjas was lost between the new faces and experiences at daycare.
Right now I cannot be happier to be surrounded by loved ones and I cannot stop thinking about my tiny home somewhere in Atlanta surviving the Atlantic hurricane season. While I am enjoying Lithuania a lot, I am missing my other home badly. But it is hard to speak about it out loud - either you sound like an unhappy immigrant, who came back just to complain, or like a cold hearted asshole, who does not care about the loving people around you, who get sad every time you mention something good about the place you miss, since it breaks their hopes to have you closer.
To be honest, there is no way back, even though it might feel like it. There is no way back to California where I lived, nor a way back to Lithuania, which I left seven years ago. Both places have changed, both places call me back. I have no expectations for what I may find there, but for sure - it's not gonna be the same as when I left it.
I am extremely happy to be where I am and I am longing extremely for the place I have left behind. Am I cursed to feel both for the rest of my life?